Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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