me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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