New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
