Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
