I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
