last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I believe in your delicious
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
