One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
