Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
