my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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