I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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