I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
