Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
