is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
