im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
