someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize