sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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