We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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