You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
