so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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