SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
