I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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