What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
