recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
