what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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