dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
