Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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