Someone shit on the floor
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
