girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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