We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
