Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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