Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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