you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
