FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize