I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
