mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
