Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
