I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was born a porn star she said
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
