she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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