What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
