Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
