I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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