You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
