Cold hands, warm shart.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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