It's Friday. Sex?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
