Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
