I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
