Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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