I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
