**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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