That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
