3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
