dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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