We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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