I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
