so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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