did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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