chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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