I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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