I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
