Cold hands, warm shart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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