She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize