can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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