Don't make out with my wife yet
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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