I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
