I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
