I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
