Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
