Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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