Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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